Are you showing up?
I don’t just mean being there physically. I mean showing up mind, body, and soul. Not distracted, but all there?
In your marriage
At your workplace
In your relationship with God
If you don’t feel like things are going well in an area of your life, it might be because you are distracted and not giving anything your full focus, so everything feels half done (not excellent).
Have you ever taken the Enneagram test? I have, and I am an eight. This year, I found out that as an eight on the Enneagram, when life gets uncertain, I can get busy being busy. I don’t really accomplish a whole lot, but boy, am I busy!
So when I get busy being busy, I can be too busy for relationships, and priorities can get out of order.
With Valentines’s day just a couple of days away now is a good time to evaluate if you are showing up emotionally and mentally in your relationships.
Many times when the answer is no, we will try to compensate by buying gifts (for your spouse, kids, or friends) and saying, “I love you!” hoping that it will help ease the reality that we have been busy avoiding and not showing up?
Gary Chapman wrote a book about The Five Love Languages, and we all have one that is our top language. These are the five:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Do you know your spouse’s love language? Do you know what yours is? Do you know your kids?
Women especially don’t want to hear words. When you know them and sacrifice for them, that says, “I love you,” “You are important to me.”
But I’m not just talking about showing up for valentine’s day… Do you show up every day in your life?
Here are some reasons people have a hard time being present wherever they are in their day.
They are not ready for the day.
In other words, they don’t have a plan or schedule, so they end up wasting time, getting distracted, and they find it hard to be present because they are constantly thinking about what they should or could be doing.
Too many things are on their schedule.
There is no way they will get it all done, so they stay busy all day, not really accomplishing anything.
For example, if a person has a $100 bill, they can only spend $100. However, in terms of time, we may have $100 worth of time, but we are trying to spend $200, and it will never work. We have to be realistic and accomplish what we can in the time that we have.
Here are some things you can do to plan your day, be intentional and fully present when you are with your spouse, kids, friends, and even at work.
1. Assign every task a specific time.
On your calendar, assign every task a specific timeframe. Throughout the day, go in with a different color pen and write how much time it actually took. Then you can evaluate and see where you are not realistic about your time.
If it takes you an hour and a half to get dressed, then write that. Hoping to get ready in an hour will only stress you out and keep you from being fully present in your day because you are playing catch up for most of the day.
2. Debrief your day.
Ask yourself what went well and where did you try to cram too much in?
For example, I made my smoothies this morning, and I realized that I should have made them the night before. It took more time than I allotted. I got distracted, and before the day even got started, I was behind.
3. Allow time for distractions.
You have to allow some time for distractions. If your schedule is too tight, you will never stick to it.
I am getting in the habit of doing a brain dump where I pick the three most important things that need to be done and putting them on my calendar. Everything else is a bonus! I can then reward myself if I get the three things done.
Stop beating yourself up and being so busy and distracted that you miss out.
Start today with being fully present, listening, and learning about others.
Your relationships will be healthier, and your life will be better.